I am a teacher of young children. I chose this career because I love children and wanted to help instill morals and values of worth and acceptance. I wanted to teach children to love learning and to be comfortable to ask questions and confident to give answers.
Over the past 3 years of my teaching career, things have changed dramatically. I no longer want to be a teacher. And while I still love what I do, I find that my hands are tied in so many ways by so many political restrictions and ridiculous parental requests that I no longer know how to teach the way that I know how to.
If you know me or your child has had me as their teacher, you know that I am great at what I do. My students come to me from all different spectrums. Some come in wild and curious, others are timid and shy. However, within 4 weeks I can assure you that each and every child in my class feels welcome, loved, more confident, and eager to learn. Every one of my students hugs me tightly before they leave at the end of the day and today out of 20 students, twelve told me they love me. I have only had these children for 6 weeks.
In 6 weeks, I have come home crying every day. I get to school by 7:30AM and spend 45 minutes tweaking and perfecting everything in my classroom to prepare for the day. I usually have 5-15 emails each day that I try to respond to. These range from questions other teachers may have, central office reminding me of what all I need to be doing, and parents asking me specifc details of many, many different things.
Throughout the day I hug my students and tell them I am proud of the good choices they are making. I high five, do nerdy dances, and cheer when my students get an answer right. I hold the ones that fall down and get hurt, I calm the ones whose feelings have been hurt and mediate many petty arguments. I pull rowdy boys off of each other every couple of minutes and firmly tell remind them to make good choices and keep their hands to themselves. I give 50 reminders a day for my kids to take potty breaks and when they have an "accident" I direct the class's attention to something else while I very discreetly help the child with wet pants change and come back to class as though nothing ever happened.
I teach with excitement, I read with silly voices, I create Smartboard lessons so that the students are more directly involved with technology. I sing, I dance, and I put a smiley face or sticker on all student work.
All of this and I still get the emails from parents that think I am just not doing enough. I get the emails that ask that I not make any corrections on their child's paper because it discourages them even though this is far from what I see. I have the parent that thinks I am too strict. I have the parent that thinks I am too lenient. I work for a government that says I will never be "excellent" on my teacher evaluations because there is always room for improvement.
At home, after I've put my son to bed, I read and respond to emails. I read my book on Love and Logic or some other researched based book I've been given to help make me even better. I modify my lesson plans for my students with special needs and I google ways that I can help them more in my classroom.
As I lay in bed at night, I pray for my student who is struggling because they've had no previous schooling, I pray for the child that doesn't ever seem to want the day to end at school, I pray for the child who isn't as confident as I want them to be, I pray for my wonderful team who is more discouraged by day, and I pray that God will get me out of this job. My stomach hurts because I'm worried I am not doing enough and my head hurts from trying think of ways to fit more in. My spirit is broken because I know I will never be whatever it is our country wants a "teacher" to be. I am angry because I want my son to have good teachers who feel valued and respected and yet I do not know one who is.
When did teachers become the enemy and why? I no longer want to be on the front line dodging questions I am not allowed to answer honestly and trying to live up to the expectations that no longer seem humanly capable.
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